I don’t need to write this. I’m probably wasting time and words. One word, two words, three words wasted. One second, two seconds, three seconds wasted. It’s tricky. It’s a tricky, shifty, slimy situation.
Let’s begin with what I say to you, you don’t need to know because you know already. Whatever else I may or may not write about the Salone dell’Auto Torino at the Parco Valentino, you already know that. Because, no doubt, you’ll have seen the posts, and the articles, and the YouTube videos. I may travel to the extreme edges of my writing abilities to describe the Ferrari LaFerrari that was parked outside the castle inside the Parco Valentino but you don’t need that because you have the Instagram post by an Instagrammer whose name is probably INSTAGRAMMARBOYIMCOOL98. And he’s got 1M followers and 50k likes per post so you’ll see the picture way before you read these words. And then, there’s no point, no use in saying how wonderful the Aston Martin DB11 looked because you’ll have seen the YouTube vlog by a YouTuber whose name probably sounds something like YOUTUBEGUYSUPERKOOL98, and he too has got a 1M subscribers and 500M views.
We say that very often but we don’t say it often enough: the internet is awash with things. As I’m writing, Instagram has around 13k hashtags for #parcovalentino, and that’s before we get to specific hashtags like #parcovalentino2017 or #parcovalentinotorino.
Our last resort, the only thing we can do, is think of the experience. The individual, unspeakable, untellable experience. Which is why I want you to focus on Giovanni, the dog you see in the picture with the AMG GT. Giovanni is a model dog, he’s wearing shades because he’s cool (he’ll get the girl, later, we won’t) and is posing next to the car. Have at it, hoss.
Statistically, you will probably approach the Valentino from the North-West Side (which is what I did this year, and last year, and the previous year) because that’s where the nearest train station is, which means that this year you will be welcomed by the Dacia Strongman. I have always personally admired Dacia. Their cars offer everything you need, and nothing you don’t. Even today, I fondly remember when I drove across Romania (South-East to North-West) with a Dacia Duster and I still believe that was one of the most glorious road trips ever.
Then, after the Strongman, you remember you’re MEDIA and are supposed to get the media pass so you walk on, past Renault, past VW and Seat and Alpine and you get your pass. And the 7th coffee of the day. A press pass is a bit like the “sport” sticker in a car or a ridiculous hairdo for a footballer: you automatically feel better, stronger, more efficient.
Point proven by my next find: this amazing blue Jeep Wrangler, decorated by the presence of this amazingly pretty girl (I later discovered she’s half Italian, half Brazilian). The people at FCA have new plans for the Jeep lineup but the “old” Wrangler still got the looks and the presence. It’s got soul. You will probably fall in love with it. Or her. Then you’ll move on and you will see the Stelvio, which looks like a Giulia that spent some time in the gym. And the Levante. Which looks like a Stelvio that spent some time in the gym and then bought a lavish suit.
Then, you will move on to what really matters to you: Ferrari. Green Lantern is here. The 488 spider has got some character and it’s green with golden wheels. How could you not love a car that’s green with golden wheels? But damn, what’s that? Is that the new Aston Martin DB11? It Is. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one of these in the flesh, but if you haven’t, let me assure you. It looks spectacular. One of the best looking cars ever.
But I can’t afford one. Life goes on and so should I and onwards, I find Giovanni. Giovanni is the dog I told you about and he proudly stands and looks at cameras. Giovanni is the Gigi/Bella Hadid (feel free to select the Hadid sister of your choice) of dogs. He looks like he’s used to standing in front of the camera, he enjoys it. All of a sudden, nobody cares about the AMG GT any more. They want to take a picture of Giovanni.
I do, too but I’ve got things to do and my next stop is the Jaguar-Land Rover stand. Under Tata’s management, Jaguar-Land Rover, as a brand, has had one of most successful makeovers in modern automotive history. Their lineup is exciting, varied and valid. Jaguar found their cornerstone with the F-Pace, which is one of the few SUVs I truly adore (the Levante is in this list, too) and this may be my personal opinion, that doesn’t count for much, but the numbers do count. The numbers don’t like and the F-Pace is selling well. There’s the new Range Rover Velar, too. It is gorgeous. Longer and wider than it is tall, slender, from outer-space.
But you won’t stop at the Velar. Yes it is brilliant and yes the F-Type simply isn’t aging at all but what’s that over there? That looks remarkably, unequivocally actually, like a Lotus Exige. And we all love the Exige. We love its rudeness, its crudeness. It’s a raw, rough, fast car with no frivolities and we all secretly want that in our cars, although most times we don’t actually dare to.
Wait, not over yet. You’d think that after the Green Lantern and Giovanni the Dog, and the DB11, and the Exige, you couldn’t possibly do better, but you can. Because that right there is a Honda NSX. This is Valentino 2017 and the NSX comes from the future. You look at it, get inside it, it feels like jumping forward, 10 years in the future. Wait, there’s still more.
See this right here? This is the new McLaren 720s, that’s a world premiere right there for you, Ladies and Gentlemen.
But I can never forget where I come from, which is why I have to conclude this with the Mazzanti Evantra, the first Tuscan supercars. And when I say Tuscan I mean from Tuscany. (same as the Vespa).
You’ve seen the pictures now, you’ve read the words. Now please, drop whatever it is you’re doing and go visit the Valentino this weekend. Because there are so many things you just can’t see and grasp from the IG posts, and the YT videos and articles like this one. Like the phone number from the Italian-Brazilian girl next to the Wrangler. Well, that’s a different story, though.
check out the full gallery for more pictures.
words and photo credit: Alessandro Renesis (please don’t steal anything 🙏)
get in touch: leavemeflabbergasted@gmail.com
Parco Valentino, Turin (Italy)
7-11 June 2017
_Flabbergasted LF 